Steadfast Mercy
You know , for so long i just wanted someone to know me. Like for someone to call me just to check if im alright, cause he/she feels like something might be wrong. You know those kinds of friends? I never really had one.
friendless kiddo!

It hurts to see the friends you have loved move on and live like you never for once existed in their lives, i know someday soon they’ll come up with a valid reason, and as usual i wouldn’t get mad at them for not having time for me, because i am not the only person who needs attention. But right now i just feel downright sad, that they have left me just like this.

They’re all in school, having some new friends, beginning to have their own worlds, and its totally okay. But sometimes it hurts not to be able to have a new world to yourself too, a new set of friends that loves you and makes you happy. I guess this is one of the many disadvantages of not going to school.

My emotions are all over the place right now, and i can’t even muster the courage to tell them how bad i miss them, cause it’s so cliche  it wouldn’t sound true. These are the moments when i wished i had someone beside me that i can totally talk to whenever i like, call even its early in the morning, and just do all the random happy friends stuff people with awesome friendships do. 

Dear hiflhsdapofyhoarjlwm

Hey, it’s been so long since i last thought of you and cried. But each and every night i still remember a glimpse of you… a tiny bit glimpse of the past.

I am happy just as you are happy. You told me that you are in love, and i know that being in love is so awesome, cause it was like that when i had loved you.

I never thought that i’d be able to write you with so much joy, for the first time ever i can truly say that i am happy for you. I always said that before, it was true, but i was hurting also for myself. Now we’re equal.

There’s just one thing i wish for you & me, that we would not forget how our friendship started and how we have grown together through the years. We weren’t successful when it came to love, but we had one of the coolest frienndship ever. And for that i thank the Lord that i have met you. 

No matter how crazy things went, no matter how coward we acted, no matter how many words were left unsaid and no matter how awkward it has ended, i am glad that you have been a huge part of my life & dreams.

We will age, we will have our own families, we’ll have the jobs that we dreamed of, we might even lose communication, we might live across different continents, but one thing’s for sure: each & every night i’ll always utter your name as i pray, and when i do  i will remember that little glimpse of you.

sincerely yours,

The one who will not forget

Dear hiflhsdapofyhoarjlwm

Well i never thought i’d reach this certain level of happiness since you and i grew apart. And i gotta tell you it’s so amazing. I mean its amazing how i can now sleep at night and not break my heart a little more every time. 

Now when i think of you, i’m happy. I hear the laughter ,i hear ’ i love you-s’, i hear little funny insults, & i hear whispers. And i also see beautiful smiles, i see lovely strands of hair, i see stars, and i see sparkles. And i feel cold hands, i feel excitement, and i feel everything else.

But all these are nothing but good memories, and they don’t make me hurt, i don’t hurt for you anymore. But i am filled with this incredible joy, i’m just so glad to have those moments with you my dear friend. I am blessed to have met a wonderfully weird human being.

We can’t go back and change all the bad memories. I wish we could have said everything that needed to be said. But i’m okay now, i think we’re better of this way , do you? Well, you’ve gone so far even before i was able to take one step forward. So i think you know that.

Dear hiflhsdapofyhoarjlwm

I think i’m getting better now. Getting further away. And it feels so good to finally know that life really goes on, even without you. But sometimes when i try to sleep you still find me and seeing your face makes me restless. But i’ll learn to get over that too.

I wish i could go back time when i could have said the right words. I should have never hurt you like that so you wouldn’t hurt me that way too. I just want our friendship back. Nothing more than that. just me and you, just friends. 

Perhaps, i will never consider such things, because i believe in you. Because i dont want to be like you. Because i wouldn’t let go the way you did. Because after all im still your friend.

Perhaps, i will never consider such things, because i believe in you. Because i dont want to be like you. Because i wouldn’t let go the way you did. Because after all im still your friend.

"Friends come and go. It hurts. And it was never meant to be like that. Friends should stick together…always."
as of now

These are the moments when you expect your friends to be there for you,and they aren’t. These are the moments when you struggle to find happiness in your own self, but you fail. These are the moments when you hope someone would understand, but they couldn’t just figure it out. These are the moments , you realize that you only got Jesus, and He is not letting go of you.

And sometimes you just want to tell all the people you thought were close to your heart “ why can’t you be here with me? when all along through your sadness and joy, i felt it, i felt the sting of your pain , i felt how it crushed you, and i felt your joy, and even felt the warmth of your smile, why can’t you feel me? why? “

Where are you? 


from right to left: claudette,charlene,clariz and i.

Last night we’ve had this super talk about our relationships with each other and how we tend to weigh things before we jump into actions. See here, we’re really not into deep with each other’s lives and we dont have that sisterly friendship, we’re the type who just gets along very well with each other. But then we’re not the type who goes to clubs, parties all night, drinks beer and whatever some teenagers are into, but then to us our lives doesn’t seem boring. You may think that we take life seriously or we dont have fun at all, but the point is we still enjoy our teen years without the need to do things that we know later on we will regret or will cause us harm. I really do not know the stories behind their smiles and tears, but then i know that somewhere within our hearts we shall find each other.

When we talk we mostly talk about human philosophies, funny theories, songs and we find it fun to have an argument about one topic. I think it is very healthy for our minds.But i am not saying this to tell you how good, or how simple we live, i just want you to see a glimpse of our joy. And yes sometimes i long for more, i want more, i search for more, something more from them, i wanna know their weaknesses and their strengths, their hurts and joy. Yet there’s a part of me that feels satisfied with my little knowledge about these girls and i find it very exciting to discover the real people behind it all.

I love them, and i couldn’t imagine high school if they weren’t in my life :)


So this afternoon, me and my super friends KAT & MIN finally got together after adsahsahas ages! It was just so good to be with friends that are from church, i feel refreshed and just fueled just being with them. I dont know why i feel that way, i wonder? 

But isn’t this what everybody should feel when they’re with great friends? Friends that God has given us to keep us together and strengthen us in faith? Sure, we should not only go out with Christian friends but also with unbelievers. Because it is our job to spread God’s love with unbelievers, yet our Christian friends are the ones that shall keep us moving along with GOD. 

We talked and we talked, we took many pictures and just enjoyed the company of each other, i am so blessed to have these wonderful ladies in my life, they’re gifts from my Father, they’re my sisters. And also Kat gave me this cute little brown notebook! when i opened it i just screamed my lungs out!!! it was so cute!! i always wanted those kinds of little brown notebooks.

Its been an amazing day for me, hope it was also for you!!!

may God bless you!

those innocent faces

So instead of answering our calculus seat work me and my classmate sho, spend the whole hour just laughing our lungs out, while viewing our sophomore photos in her old cellphone. It was so funny seeing those pictures, we look like lost kids, who dont know how to smile or even project correctly. I was so slim back then, and now i am so fat. It was a good one hour just laughing and reminiscing those moments. We were so happy in those pictures, and i remember back in second year we used to take photos of ourselves whenever we have the chance! so we really had a bunch of funny silly looking photos. We had so many adventures, we were so young, we were so fragile and INNOCENT!

Yes, innocence was painted all over our faces, innocence in our smiles and eyes. We did not know anything back then, all we knew was our friendship, our small world and our school. Oh how i miss those days when we used to be so happy, united and just ONE! but now as we are looking on those pictures, we saw faces that were not with us anymore, faces that are not strangers but distant people.

And now, half of our faces are not innocent anymore, the world is eating us! the world is consuming our minds, rotting our thoughts. THOSE INNOCENT FACES are long forgotten.

And now i could feel the pressure on me, to run faster, to strive harder, because life is getting real hard. The competition is tough, and if you choose to pause for a while you may not see yourself on track anymore. THEY SAY WE ARE YOUNG BUT YOUTH NEVER FELT THIS OLD BEFORE!! one thing i shall miss is my sophomore life, the happy, simple, innocent life.

Only one would stay

The truth is everybody is going to leave you someday. You would leave them someday. and Only one would stay.

I’ve had so many lessons in my life, but the fact that ” no one would ever be there always " gave a huge impact in my life. It bumped my head, and shook my heart. Because there have been times when i always thought a certain person would always be around me, that whenever i look by my side i’ll see her face and whenever everything is crashing down on me she would hold me together. But no, no one could do that, only JESUS would put us through. The fact that a person who almost knew everything about you could hurt and leave you was a painful realization. She was a one of those  very few people that i let in the gates of my heart, but she got out, she got out without even realizing it, i tried to chase her, but she’s so far away now, i don’t even know her anymore.

And i cried, and i cried, we dreamed of going to college together and do what we love, but we lost those dreams, we lost each other. And she went away without leaving a single piece for me, she took it all away.

And she’s one of those many people who went away. 

But realize the truth that some could be with you forever, but there would be a time when you’d have to go solo, a solo journey with Jesus. Because He is the only one constant in our lives. So stop expecting too much from people, because you could run to them but they will not always embrace you, but Jesus is craving to hug you , to make you feel loved, the only thing you need to do is to run into His mighty arms and throw your life in His hands.




Last night me and my other three buddies went to the mardigras to just walk and view shows and etc. But the fact is we went there so early and i went to church at around 7 pm. See here, we’re not the type of kids who stays up all night partying, we’re the ones who go home early, who drinks coke, and satisfied by just being there. Im not saying this to say how clean we live our lives, but i say this because i want you to get a glimpse of our contentment without the need to go wild and to do the harsh and awful things. We are satisfied like children who walks in the park singing “la la la la ” that’s who we are, and though some may think its not cool or that the type of life we lead is boring, well it’s not. But im not saying this either to put down those teenagers who goes to parties and goes home in the morning, i just want to lay down my side of life.

Well then, so before i go to church, we ate a very small amount of food , too bad it was expensive enough to buy us McDonald meals, the portion they gave to us was so little. anyways. here are some pictures.

claudette, sho and me.

sho, clariz and of course me.