How terrible my days become when i depart from Your life giving presence? How lonesome my nights are when i do not seek You? Remind me Lord , please remind me that all the life I’ll ever have is really in You.

A lot of times i forget to be grateful for who You are. I’ve been looking for Joy and Satisfaction in so many things my Lord, so many worldly things that i forget that i have all that i need and want in You. You are my all in all, the true love of my life, my true passion and hope is You. 

When was the last time i wrote you? That was a pretty long time. How surprising. Lately i’ve been thinking about you, i was praying and hoping you are well. With all the things going on in this world, i pray you cling to hope, i pray you find what you’re looking for. I pray you can meet Jesus & be changed forever.

I will always regret the day i let you slip away without telling you that you need Jesus so badly. I thought i’ve done you enough good throughout our friendship, but the truth is i with held the only truest form of love i can give you, and that is sharing Christ with you. I remember a couple of years ago, when you said you wanted to be born again, and that you are so excited about it, that you actually kind of made the decision but when your parents knew they got mad at you. And that was the last time you ever told me about what’s going on with your faith.

And after that you shut off your mind. It felt like you don’t believe in anything or in anyone anymore, your concern revolved around the girl you so much loved ,video games, beer, and some other stupid things you do.

And ever since you left and we stopped talking i remember crying out to God, i wanted Him to intervene in your life in any way possible. I even prayed that you could come back, or he could restore the friendship we had so that i can talk to you about Jesus. I prayed long & Hard. But we grew further apart each & every single day. Guess i only had one chance and i completely blew it. 

But i know God will make a way for you. Somewhere , someday you’ll find God and He will capture you. 

Praying for you,

Your bestfriend

The other day, i missed you so badly i was about to send you a message but something stopped me. It was probably fear, i fear that you no longer care that much & would not even bother to type a single word of response. I fear i might seem like the type of girl who runs after boys. Sometimes i hated myself for having a boy best friend, i wish i had chosen a girl. Girls maybe plastic and such but girls best friend are never awkward with each other. You & I are awkward. And so our friendship fell into a tragic crash. But when i look back at the good times we had , i could not even remember why i’m supposed to regret ever having you as my friend. We were happy and crazy back then. Now we’re weird, awkward, strangers and it’s kinda okay. People come & go, though i wished we stayed a bit longer for each other.

Truth is we all wanted and needed someone to stay. Someone who’ll laugh with you, cry with you, sing with you and even just breathe with you. There are those nights when sadness and pain gets the upper hand and having someone by your side makes you hope that , indeed someday soon, sometime later it will be just alright.

And then so i think of you.

i think of all the people in the world who needs that someone.

And then so i think of everyone who suffers and decided to end it.

If only you and i would stay, someone might have hopes that someday soon, sometime later it will be just alright.

UNFAILING GOD - New life worship

Yesterday i was so discouraged. Talks about college kept on coming up, and i know that i cannot settle for less, i have a dream and no matter what others may say I’ll hold on to it because God gave me the passion to pursue it.  But then yesterday i was really really down, i feel lifeless and empty. I feel like God has left me hanging, it felt like i was fighting on my own. i hated myself for wanting to go after big things, i hated myself for not being contented with the small ones. 

And the sadness went all the way through the night. It was until the moment that i decided to paint and put on my ear phones and just let random music play when i heard this song. It’s been on my mp3 player for quite a bit but i haven’t heard it. 
and then i cried, and then i asked for God’s forgiveness because i doubted His promises , and His plans. It may not make much sense to me or to the people around me but it’s God’s plan and it’s the best.

He is unfailing, His love’s unending, and His word is eternal , Firm in the heaven it stands!!

And i worshiped my God, because no matter where i am He is unfailing, He is working!

One thing I ask from the Lord,
    this only do I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
    all the days of my life,
to gaze on the beauty of the Lord
    and to seek him in his temple.

Psalm 27:4

I was reading the bible last night, and as i was reading this particular verse it suddenly hit me. It just hit me, made me feel guilty for ignoring this. For the past days i have spent more time doing mindless pursuits, i was so busy for such small things that aren’t important at all when it comes to just spending time & seeking God.

I was thinking , “Oh what beautiful adoration this is, to want to spend the rest of his days in God’s temple, just gazing at God’s beauty.” And so i thought that this is what most of us christians forget to do. We are all so busy about our own ministries, all busy about preaching & teaching, then we forget that at the end of the day it’s you & God, and your relationship is only between the two of you, and that relationship is far more important than all the other things in this world. Of course Jesus wants us to be at work, Jesus wants us to lay our hands on the sick, he wants us to preach, to do good, to move in his behalf. But He also wants us to stay still, to just go and seek Him, to be alone in his presence, and to shut off all the other distractions, just you & Him. Just me & You.

This must be the One thing that we seek, the One thing that we desire. The driving force that keeps us going, the thought that lingers in our heads, and the prize that we will wait for, just to be with him forever, and gaze at His glory!

What can i say, this is really me. I just want to turn my life all around, and make it interesting. I want to go places, i wanna do extreme sports, i wanna eat something new, i want to feel the sun on my skin, i want to climb a mountain, i wanna run & sweat, i wanna make a fire and warm myself, i wanna go and see new cultures, i wanna love people, i wanna be free and i wanna be me. 

I guess i should stand up and leave tumblr now, if that’s what i really want. TOO MUCH TUMBLR & INTERNET MAKES ONE’S LIFE BORING.

Sunsets. Don’t you just love them? Well it’s my favorite part of the day. Because sunsets mean a time to be still & stare in awe of beauty, sunsets are warm & cold, sunsets mean the end of hard work and a time for rest. And sunsets are best viewed with a lover or a friend, or with your Mom Or dad…

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Hey mom.

I know you want me to take care of myself, dress nice. put on some make up, lose some weight and all other stuff concerning physical appearance. Thanks for your concern, but mom as of now what i do with my hair,  what i do with my face, and the way i dress is who i am.

This is the way i am comfortable, and i am not going to forsake comfort just to achieve physical beauty. You said you didn’t like my hair mom, and you said i should iron it and all, let it down like most girls do. But shouldn’t i be thanking God for my curls? Shouldn’t i just take care of what He has given me rather than run after what He hasn’t created me to be? It’s not that i’m against physical alterations, it’s good sometimes, but i know that this is a part of my life where i should be letting myself free from all the pressure of this society. If i’m fat then let me be, doesn’t mean i’m ugly if i’m fat. No, it’s not like that. This world has corrupted the minds of this generation, telling them lies saying ” you are not beautiful.” and i once believed that lie mom, but now i am free. Because there is truth in Jesus Christ, God has created me wonderfully.

I know you said i dress up like an old lady, but mom this is just a phase, and someday i’ll grow out of this. Shouldn’t you just be concerned with what is inside than what is outside? and i don’t even look like an old lady. I can be fashionable in my own way. I have my own style, and i refuse to go for the cutie type of fashion because it’s just not who i am. 

Mom, do you think i’m ugly? do you think i’m old fashioned? do you think i’m fat? Because i don’t think so mom. I’m 17 please don’t pressure me. You said you just want to encourage me to be fashionable and blah blah blah, but it doesn’t encourage me mom, it makes me feel like you think i’m ugly.I apperciate your failed attempt at encouraging mom, but just please let me do what i want to do with my appearance just as long as it’s modest and appropriate. I’d rather be dressing like an old lady than be dressing something that is trendy but reveals so much skin. I know you wouldn’t want that too, right?

Mom, you may not be able to read this. But whoever reads this. My mom is really kind & wonderful, it’s just that this time i have to let this all out. My mom and me looks exactly alike, and she always thinks she’s fat & ugly and she doesnt like the fact that people say i look like her because she thinks she’s not attractive. She couldn’t seem to embrace the truth that she is beautiful. She says she doesn’t want me to be treated the way people treated her because of her appearance. But really mom, can you just please embrace the fact that you are beautiful?

I’m beautiful mom and so are you.

Hey guys this is a happy me! College for me is about four months away, and though i still don’t have any confirmations regarding to what school i should go to, & how the finances will be taken care of (it will be really expensive but our God can afford anything!), i am just so confident in my God. I know He is placing me where i should be best & i know He will give it to me at just the right time. 

As for my course, i am still going for Architecture. It might be hard a long the way & it will take long, but i trust that my God would help me finish it and enjoy it!! 

I would appreciate it if you would pray for me. I need lots of prayer regarding this. And if you ever are studying Architecture you might help me by giving me some idea on how it will be for me. Thank you so much, whoever is reading this. God bless you!

God’s love is just so beyond measure! Last night i talked about having all these sorts of distraction & sin eating away my time, but i chose to run to God and acknowledge them all before Him , and asked for forgiveness. And God is faithful & just to forgive, i feel in my heart the joy & peace right after i had spent time with Him. And as for the newfound loves such as long boarding i know in my heart that it is a gift from Him, and He doesn’t want me to just give it up because its consuming my time, i believe He wants me to find the balance in these things. He wants me to enjoy life and be productive, he wants me to explore something new. But most of all He wants me to put Him first above all else.

I am so excited for what God has in store for us all. I can see Him turning these distractions of mine to things that will bring Him Glory.

I have asked for hunger & passion for Him & His word, and i pray that He will continue to strengthen me in Faith so that i can live for Him alone.

Thank You Jesus! Thank You! 

A lot of different things occurred for the past days. Things that were both great & terrible. I got so many regrets on my list now, and again i wonder if i’ll be able to get back to the passionate one i was before.

I failed to seek God, and lack of time spent in knowing Him lead me to fall into sin easily. I lost focus of Him. There were so many happenings around me, so many new “hobbies” , so many newfound loves, restored relationships, and they are all a gift from God but they all turned out to eat away my time and my devotion, and no one can be blamed except me. Instead of reading & meditating on His word, i found myself researching so much about Long boarding, as it is now one of the things i like to do. Instead of talking w/ Him more, i found myself spending hours & hours chatting w/ friends. 

There is no one to blame except me…

And this sin. I know i am no longer slave to sin, but why is this happening? why is it so easy to sin now?I think i know the answer, but it’s a matter of choice. Everyday is a battle, and i got to choose to live & fight for the Love of Jesus Christ.

This life is so horrible & empty without God. I just can’t do this anymore. I need to remind myself who i love the most, and that is Jesus Christ , not long boarding, not family, not friends, not clothes, not anything at all. It’s Jesus Christ the source of Love & life, the reason why i’m alive , the reason why i’m free. 

i know i’m not alone in this. I know Jesus is with me. I know some of you have been through this, you know how terrible it feels. But i hold on to the love &  mercy of Christ, so i’ll persevere & will keep on pressing in. Please pray for me.